


And I Don’t Want The World To See Me

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Jedi Ben Solo, Knights of the old republic references, Light Angst, M/M, Nerdy Ben Solo, Poe Dameron’s Hot Takes On The Sith, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slash if you squint, Soft Ben Solo, Soft Darkpilot, Soft Poe Dameron, Star Wars History, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron, history nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24354655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben shares the story of Revan and Bastila with Poe.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Revan/Bastila Shan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Trope Bingo: Round Fourteen





	And I Don’t Want The World To See Me

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Historical
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title inspiration came from Sleeping With Sirens’ cover of “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls.

“Oh, I know this one!” Ben said. “This one’s my favorite.” He didn’t miss Poe’s amused smile; was his enthusiasm for Revan and Bastila’s story really that funny, he wondered.  
  
“What?” Ben said, smiling.   
  
Poe shrugged. “It’s just kind of cute when you get excited,” he said.   
  
“Is it? Well...thanks.” Ben sat down, sighed as he opened up the text. It wasn’t too dusty, probably because Ben made sure to keep it in top physical condition. “Do you want to read it?”  
  
Poe shrugged again. “You can actually read that damn script. I say you read it, I’ll make comments where appropriate.”  
  
“Right.” Ben smiled and cleared his throat, beginning to read. “ ‘Long ago, during the days when the Old Republic still stood, the Mandalorians waged war on the Republic. Spurred on by the Sith — ’”  
  
“Go figure that the Sith did it,” Poe deadpanned. “I think they probably got bored. ‘Let’s rile up the Mandalorians; it’s getting boring listening to those damn holocrons...’”  
  
Ben snorted. “Sounds like something the Sith would do. Starting a war because they’re bored.” He returned to his reading. “ ‘Spurred on by the Sith, the Mandalorians left ruin in their wake. Though the Jedi were hesitant to act, there were a group who resisted. Led by Revan of Londas, Alek of Quelli, and Arawn of Naboo, Revan’s Revanchists marched into battle, fighting off the Mandalorians. The war was hellish, and it ended in the Mandalorians’ defeat — but Arawn being cut off from the Force, and Revan and Alek-now-known-as-Malak becoming Sith.’” Ben broke off in that moment. Even picturing it broke his heart.   
  
“Stang,” Poe murmured, “How come some Dark Siders start off as the nicest people? If I had it my way, they’d just go home and be happy.”  
  
“I know.” Ben sighed. "It doesn’t end there, though.” Even narrating where Bastila came in, a Jedi Padawan with the extraordinary talent of Battle Meditation, Ben felt his heart race. He identified with Bastila, truly, identified with being told again and again she was brilliant and powerful and struggling to live up to that. Her problems with her mother. Ben didn’t have a power that would win wars, but he could identify with feeling not good enough, not important. And finding one person — Revan for Bastila, Poe for Ben — who could keep them steady. Who believed in them, even when they hated themselves.   
  
And Poe shared some similarities with Revan. The only similarity he shared with Carth Onasi was the fact they were both pilots and a bit snarky. Poe was more Revan — unfailingly kind, having a love for droids, witty...there were so many things about Poe that made Ben all but blinded by love for him.   
  
Poe, in the present, reacted at the right times. And Ben could tell how Poe was leaning forward in anticipation, almost like he was wondering if Revan was going to take down Malak, who had become as far away from the well-intentioned, level-headed best friend to Revan who’d gone to war with him.   
  
It was when Ben finished, his voice sounding a bit creaky, that he said, “What do you think?”  
  
“It was good,” Poe said. “Sucks that Revan had to kill his best friend. But I’m glad that he was able to save Bastila, and stop the Sith who started the war.” He added, “It means a lot to you, huh?”  
  
“I can’t help but think of myself like Bastila.” Ben took a deep breath. “She talked about, in one account, how she was told by the Council how powerful she was until she was sick of it. How she felt the pressure on her. And...sometimes I feel it too. Uncle Luke says that I’m strong in the Force. I know I’m good, but...sometimes I don’t feel good enough. Like I’m the Jedi I should be.”  
  
Poe’s eyes softened. “You’re exactly how you should be,” Poe said. “Kind. Humble. Funny. Brave. Everything a man should be, what a person should be — more important than what a Jedi should be.”  
  
Ben smiled. There was something about Poe’s words where Ben felt...better, somehow. He didn’t feel like he belonged with the Order. But with Poe, he felt it. Belonging.  
  
“We should put this back,” Ben said. “I suppose I shared it with you because...I wanted you to know me better.”  
  
“There’s a lot I know about you,” Poe said.   
  
Ben smiled. Even as he put the text back in its right place, he said, “Wouldn’t hurt to let you know more.”


End file.
